


How To Be Free

by HalvedMimi



Category: Shameless (US)
Genre: Abuse, Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Anal Sex, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Episode: s03e06 3XK, Gallavich, Grief/Mourning, Ian x Mickey - Freeform, M/M, Minor Character Death, PTSD, Past Sexual Abuse, Suicide
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-12-23
Updated: 2016-01-28
Packaged: 2018-05-08 13:36:00
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 16,513
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5498957
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/HalvedMimi/pseuds/HalvedMimi
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>3x666 divergent fic of what I thought should have happened.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

Ian left the ‘boy’s home’ and headed off to work. He couldn’t fucking believe it. Sure this group home shit was like being prepped for jail time but more than that, he couldn’t help but think about Debs by herself in some weirdo’s home. Carl wasn’t fazed by anything and would look after Liam. There was no doubt about that, but Debs with her soft heart and unending faith in people... Ian knew from experience that the redhead was always the one singled out for no better reason than their rarity and he hated that this was probably going to jade her if not worse. He stomped his way into the Kash and Grab and ditched his bag in the back pulling out a paper for Linda to sign and handing it over with a thank you for getting the paperwork sorted with the state quickly. Linda gave him a pitying look, signed the paper and patted his arm before she bundled the kids out of the store and off to the local pool. There was inventory and stocking to be done but for now he just slumped behind the counter and picked at his nails, enjoying a moment of being alone.

The door jingled and Mickey walked in, shrugging into his sleeveless security jacket as he took a moment to appreciate the store’s air con. The last time Ian had seen him he’d been hobbling away with his cousin and Iggy while Fiona got read a list of infringements. Molly insisting on going with her brothers for fear of the social worker. Took Iggy awhile to figure out who she was. Mickey was a little too out of it to really react.

“Hey, man. How’s foster care?”

“Stuck in a group home. How’s the ass?”

“Fucking painful.” Mickey moved behind the counter and looked around to check the security mirrors before he leant down and landed a quick kiss on Ian’s mouth. Ian sat stunned and smiled up at him awkwardly remembering how Mickey had finally kissed him at the start of the heist that that ended with a buckshot to the ass and kitchen bench surgery, ultimately ending Fiona’s reign over the Gallagher house. Mickey cleared his throat awkwardly and hobbled over to the magazine rack to rearrange shit and pretend to be busy.

“We’ve gotta switch out the fruit section for the new deliveries.” Ian explained and got up to grab one of the boxes from the back.

When he came back Mickey was going through the fruit and sorting out the ‘throw out’ options from the ‘put on the top of the pile to sell quickly’ options. They worked easily. Ian doing most of the footwork to save Mickey limping about too much. Though the limp wasn’t as bad as Ian had expected. Mickey filled the time explaining that Molly had gone home when the dead mother turned out to be alive. He was still wrapping his mind around Molly being a dude and how he might not actually be the weirdest kid in his family. Ian bitched about the DFS situation and the fucking group home. Mickey got it. He’d been in group homes and in juvie. Ian listened to Mickey’s comments and took note of the advice as it came. But then, while Mickey was going over the stock and Ian had moved on to the shelving, came a completely unexpected offer. Mickey had the house to himself and offered Ian a chance to crash with him overnight. A fucking sleep over with Mickey ‘kiss me and I’ll cut your fucking tongue out’ Milkovich.

Mickey wasn’t a completely closed off guy but he didn’t admit to weakness. Ian never got more than a few minutes of pliant Mickey post orgasm if he got anything at all. The idea of sharing a bed with him all night was totally foreign. Were they just going to fuck all night? Were they going to hang out? Was there going to be cuddling? Fuck! Maybe there’d be more kissing. Though maybe he shouldn’t get his hopes up.

  
Despite not getting his hopes up he couldn’t wipe the smile off his face as they kept working. When the half way point in the shift came, Mickey put up the Back In 10 minutes sign and locked the front door. Ian finished flattening the box he had and followed Mickey into the back room. Mickey usually leant back against the work bench in there and acted nonchalant until Ian started undressing. Today though his wounds got in the way of leaning on anything. Didn’t quite explain why he looked so fucking awkward standing there.

“So how’s the ass really? We sticking with handys and bjs until you heal or do you wanna get creative?”

“The fuck do you mean by creative?”

“I don’t know. Whatever doesn’t jolt the stitches? You could ride or top or something.” Ian suggested, trying to stay casual despite never having bottomed before.

“When have I ever done anything that made you think I’d be good at topping?”

“Just a suggestion, Mick. So, how do you wanna do this?”

“I want you to get your ass over here and we’ll figure the other shit out as we go. Why you gotta be such a girl, talking about everything all the damned time?”

Ian tried not to smile too obviously at Mickey’s macho routine as he pulled his shirt off and moved over to lean against the bench in Mickey’s usual spot. Mickey was on him without hesitation, hands all over the abs he liked so much. Unlike usual though he kept leaning in until their faces were right in front of one another and then he stopped, awkwardly hovering close enough to send Ian cross-eyed.

“Hi Mick.”

“Shut up.” Mickey commanded roughly but he still hesitated before eventually closing the distance. Ian finally got a kiss that wasn’t a quick, closed mouth  
gesture. It was a little obvious that Mickey was fairly new to the whole kissing thing but Ian was happy with the nervous, slightly naive movements while Mickey figured it out. Ian coaxed him into more natural angles and Mickey followed his lead easily. They spent the whole break leaning together against the bench making out like a pair of thirteen year olds without progressing to anything more than that. The timer on Ian’s phone went off and he pulled back to shut it off. He ducked in for another quick kiss then reluctantly moved away to reopen the store.

“Where you goin’?”

“Break’s over. Gotta get back.”

“They can fucking wait, man.” Mickey decided as he pulled Ian back by his belt loops and started undoing their pants. Ian shrugged happily and quickly got on board with the joint hand job that was over far sooner than usual. They silently agreed that it was because they had to get back to work and had nothing to do with the fact that they’d gotten worked up while making out. That would just be embarrassing.

Ian spent the rest of his shift texting Lip to organise tonight’s jail break. Mickey spent the time pretending to read playboy and staring at Ian over the glossy pages of mostly naked women.

~~~

Ian snuck out at 9.30pm, passing Mandy as he left and quickly making his way across town to the crappier parts of Chicago. He went to the Milkovich’s back door and let himself in as instructed. Ian had been to this house a thousand times in his years of fake dating Mandy. He knew exactly what the place looked like. It was pretty damned clear that Mickey had spent the evening tidying up the usually unruly house into something that was cluttered but actually neat. Mickey was making an effort. Ian tried not to grin as he put his back pack down and took the beer Mickey handed him by way of greeting.

“Haven’t had dinner yet. Pick a movie or something.” Mickey instructed and took a swig of his own beer.

A clean house and a movie with food. This was starting to seem like a proper date. Especially with proper kissing on the table. Ian sorted through the dvds and chatted easily between the living room and the kitchen where Mickey was doing something with the oven. They ended up in an argument over which action star was better but it was playful. They settled in with a Segal movie and hot pizza bagels. The pair of them were smiling like kids at a theme park while they played at being cool. By the time the movie was half way done the pizza bagels were completely gone and the tension between them was fucking insane. Ian couldn’t focus on the movie for the life of him.

He looked across and Mickey’s eyes snapped away from Ian’s face and back to the tv. Fuck this Ian decided and put down his beer bottle. He grabbed for Mickey’s bottle too and plonked it down next to his own. Mickey watched with mischievous eyes as Ian reached over again and grabbed Mickey’s far thigh, pulling it across until Mickey was straddling his lap.

“Hi Ian.” Mickey mocked like he’d won for not breaking first.

“Shut up,” Ian mocked back, imitating their exchange earlier today before grabbing at the back of his head and pulling him down to seal their mouths together. Mick was totally on board with that, diving in and grinding his hips down, “You okay like this?”

Mickey grunted and pulled back enough to raise a questioning eyebrow.

“Your stitches?”

“Yeah, they’re good.” Mickey answered shifting a little and pulling at Ian’s shirt. Ian lifted his arms and let the shirt go, removing Mick’s right after, skimming his hands down his pale skin and settling back around strong thighs. There were exploring hands and tongues and the filthy grind of their hips. It went on far longer than it ever had before and Ian wondered if it would have always been like this if they’d had the time and the privacy instead of the constant fear of being caught.

Eventually Mick went for Ian’s jeans, grunting something about lube as he tried to undo the fly while still grinding down against him.

“You bought it home.” Ian reminded him. They’d payed for the lube with money from the tip jar at work but Ian wasn’t about to take it back to the group home with him so Mickey had taken it.

“Shit, ‘s in the bedroom.” Mickey groaned.

“So go get it,” Ian encouraged, slapping Mickey’s good cheek. He got a death glare for that but Mickey still got up and strode into his bedroom, “and lose the pants while you’re up.” Ian requested as he yanked his jeans and boxers down, kicking them aside.

Mickey wandered back in butt naked and picking at the security seal on the bottle of lube. He stopped in his tracks at the sight of Ian naked on his couch, slowly stroking himself while he waited. Ian smirked up at him and gripped himself properly for the next stroke.

“Fucking showoff.” Mick complained, throwing him a condom and continuing to fight with the shrink wrapped plastic on the lube’s lid.

Ian rolled the condom on quickly and held out his hand for the lube. Mickey was hopeless with security seals – he could never find the easy tear perforated line. Ian was actually pretty sure that Mick needed glasses but it wasn’t like the government was going to pitch in on that and Terry Milkovich certainly wasn’t going to fund turning one of his kids four eyed. Mickey was so preoccupied with trying to bite the seal off that he took Ian’s hand in his own and used it for balance as he moved back onto Ian’s lap. Ian bit back a comment about the ladylike gesture and took the bottle out from Mickey’s teeth instead.

“You definitely need glasses.” Ian announced as he stripped the plastic off easily and coated his fingers.

“Do not.” Mickey grunted as he lifted up to give Ian access and tilted his head back at the way Ian touched him.

“You’d be hot in glasses. Little ones with black frames. Hmmm glasses and knuckle tattoos like a badass professor.” Ian decided as he worked Mickey open.

“Fuck off. Badass, I’ll take but you can throw the professor fantasy right out the window.” Mickey warned despite the breathy tone to his voice. Ian just smirked and toyed with the idea of acting like an irresponsible student asking him for an extension. He knew Mickey wouldn’t go along with it and role play doomed to fail is role play not worth starting so he just added a third finger and kept his fantasy to himself.

When Mick was ready Ian slicked himself up and helped Mick shuffle forward to the right spot to sink down onto him. Mick bit his lip and Ian stared at the abused flesh as he felt the tight heat of Mickey sink down around him. They’d been face to face plenty of times but never this close. The angle was clearly working for Mick if his expression was anything to go by.

Mickey’s lip popped free of his teeth as he let out a breath and rocked back up before sliding down again. Ian surged forward and did something he’d always wanted; he bit Mick’s lip himself, pressing down and testing the plumpness of the flesh with his teeth. Mick groaned against his mouth and pushed Ian back into the couch, taking over the kiss and rocking onto him. All Ian could do was hold on and let Mick have his way.

Fucking was old news to Mickey but kissing was new and interesting. It was pretty clear Mick was enjoying it as he focused so thoroughly on kissing that within a few minutes he was barely moving, rocking absentmindedly on Ian’s lap as he explored with his tongue. Mickey had never been one for overly rough or fast. He liked it slow and steady (and strong enough to jolt) but this was by far the softest sex they’d ever managed. Somewhere between the kissing and the gentle rocking they’d changed from fucking to sex to what felt like making love. Ian certainly didn’t have a problem with it but it left him feeling unbalanced.

He didn’t know what this meant or what to expect from it. He certainly didn’t know what to think when Mick moaned his name and tensed up. He barely had time to get a hand between them as Mickey started to shake and clench down on him. Mickey swore softly and pressed the side of his forehead into Ian’s cheek as he caught his breath and softened into a pliant weight on Ian’s lap.

“Sorry man,” Mickey apologised as he pulled back a little and eyed the mess of come on their stomachs. He froze up a little eyeing where Ian had grasped at the base of his cock to stop himself from following Mick over the edge, “Did you deliberately hold off?” he asked confused.

“Yeah, wanted to try something while we have the time.” Ian explained as he slipped his hand back up to run his thumb through the mess on Mick’s stomach. He sucked the thumb into his mouth and looked up at Mickey’s reaction which was fully focused on the way he cleaned off his thumb.

“What are you trying?” Mickey asked in a daze as he wet his own finger to feed it to Ian.

“Every heard of cock warming?” Ian asked before licking Mickey’s fingers into his mouth. Mick shook his head, happy to wait for the explanation after his fingers were cleaned, “Basically, you stay on me and keep me hard ‘til you’re ready for round two.” Ian explained with a gentle twitch of his hips that sent Mick into an oversensitive muscle spasm.

“Fuck.”

“You don’t have to.” Ian offered, just has happy to get off another way and start round two together.

“No. I can do it,” Mick decided, determined set to his jaw, “Might take a while though. I’m not sixteen anymore.”

“’sokay, we can watch the movie. You wanna turn around?”

Mickey looked a little disappointed but he stood up on slightly shaky legs and turned around, awkwardly shifting back to sit on Ian again and let him press back into him. They both groaned as Ian pushed back in and settled Mickey onto his lap, pulling him back to lean against his chest. It took everything in Ian to resist thrusting, his need to come getting stronger and stronger the longer he held off.

They tried to focus on the movie but Ian was too far worked up, twitching here and there, unable to stay still. He settled for kissing Mickey’s shoulders and neck and running his hands all over him. Occasionally he’d run his hands down to Mick’s crotch to check if he was still soft. Those moments caused oversensitive writhing and clenching from Mick. Ian was fucking loving it even as it was sending him crazy.

Mickey turned his head and Ian latched on, kissing him over his shoulder. One of them groaned heavily and Mick’s arm ended up around Ian’s shoulders so they didn’t have to strain their necks so damned far as they kissed. Ian was fast figuring out it would have been better if he hadn’t told Mick to turn around but he didn’t want to stop for even a second so Mick needed to stay right where he was.

“Fuck Ian.” Mick groaned, tilting his head so Ian could nibble the tendons stretched out before him. Ian had given up any pretence of patience as he rocked up into Mick, desperate to get off.

“Need you.” Ian whined gripping Mick’s inner thighs and sucking on his ear lobe.

“Should’ve come with me.” He chastised even as he teasingly ground down.

“’M sorry. Fuck Mick…,” Ian ground up and cupped Mick’s balls in his hand. They tightened slightly in his grip and it was such a fucking relief to feel him respond, “Need you hard.” Ian whined.

Mickey chuckled and teased him about being desperate but he met Ian’s movements, grinding down as much as his injured cheek would allow. When he was finally half hard, Mick took Ian’s hand and put it on him. Ian bit down on his shoulder in victory and twisted around until they were both kneeling on the couch sideways so he could finally get some purchase and thrust in properly. Mickey groaned happily and fell forward to brace his hands on the arm of the couch as Ian stared moving with purpose. The pair of them ended up fucking desperate and trying to reach the peak without damaging Mick’s stitches further than necessary. Mick kept nodding to himself and reaching back to grip at Ian’s thigh or hip.

Ian came first with a much louder groan than usual, slumping forward onto Mick’s back and thrusting weakly. He was exhausted now but trying to keep going until Mick got off too. He sat back on his haunches and pulled Mickey back onto his lap, kissing his shoulder as he fisted him and tried to keep thrusting up even as he softened. Mickey’s head fell back on Ian’s shoulder, his back arching as he finally came again. Ian groaned in sympathy or relief, he wasn’t sure.

“Fuck,” Mick turned his head and smirked up at Ian, “Don’t think I’ve ever seen you that desperate before.”

“Don’t tease; I didn’t think that through. I know better now.”

“Bullshit. We’re gonna need to edge you more often. You fucking lost your shit Gallagher; was good.” Mickey decreed, melting against Ian’s chest and closing his eyes as he let his body recover.

Goodness knows how long they stayed there before the end credits of the movie played and jolted them out of their headspace. Mick reached over and grabbed the remote to switch off the tv.

“Shower?” he asked over his shoulder and Ian nodded.

When they got out of the shower they didn’t bother with clothes. Ian’s stuff was all out by the couch anyway and Mickey seemed perfectly comfortable to walk around naked as he went to the kitchen to fill a glass of water. He offered it to Ian who took it and watched Mickey fill another glass for himself. Ian rested his bare ass against the kitchen bench as he sipped his water. Mickey leant his hip against the table and tried to hide his cocky smile behind his glass.

“What time you gotta get up in the morning?”

“Need be at work by nine so as long as I leave here by a quarter to, I should be fine. Lip’s got it covered at the group home.” Ian explained, feeling weirdly domestic.

“I’m setting an alarm for seven.” Mickey decided. Not counting the time it would take for Ian to shower and leave, that left about an hour and a half in the morning that Mickey seemed to have plans for. Ian plastered his own cocky smile on his face and nodded, taking his water into Mick’s bedroom to set on his tiny cluttered nightstand. Mickey followed him in, water gone, and pushed past him to the bed.

“Gotta have the wall at my back to sleep. He explained, climbing in first and lifting the sheet for Ian.

“Thought you slept on your stomach?” Ian commented, remembering the first time he’d come across Mick in this room. Mick quirked his eyebrow at Ian’s memory.

“Sometimes but I always fall asleep against the wall. Don’t worry, I won’t try to sleep on you.”  
Ian shrugged and settled in on his back with Mickey at his side, “It’s cool if you do. Carl and Liam climb in bed with me all the time. If there was such a thing as a professional pillow, I’d be overqualified.”

“Well, in that case…” Mickey announced, hesitating slightly before hoisting himself up to lean over Ian and switch off the light then settling down on Ian’s chest with a hand curled up over a nipple.

Ian did his best to hold in a happy little chuckle, trying instead to act normal. He ran his hand gently up and down Mick’s back, feeling the way he gradually drifted off to the sound of Ian’s heartbeat.

~~~

Morning consisted of Mickey trying to cook up pancakes naked, Ian pulling him away from the stove for a leisurely morning fuck on the kitchen table and then deciding that it would be easier to eat their pancakes at the couch than to clean the table right then. There may have also been a few drops of syrup that missed Mickey’s mouth that Ian got to lick off his chest, ultimately devolving into another heavy make out session.

Making out had them riled up and more than ready for round two when Mickey pulled away to go get something that had him smiling like a child with a secret. Ian took the opportunity to slip on a condom, eye catching the time on Mickey’s phone as he tossed the foil packaging beside their breakfast plates. Fuck!

“I gotta get to work!” Ian called out as Mickey came back into the room, hoping Mick’d still be up for a quickie.

“Alright, just wait a minute,” Mickey grumbled as he held out a string of giant, weighted beads, “wanna do the honours?”

“What is this? A rosary for giants?”

“Nah, man,” Mickey explained with an embarrassed smile, “They’re ah, ben-wa beads. You shove ‘em in my ass and you pull ‘em out real slow.”  
Ian looked at them properly then. This was a sex toy. A proper fucking sex toy. Ian had never actually held a sex toy before. Monica left a vibrator on the kitchen table once but he sure as fuck didn’t wanna touch that. Didn’t want to think about it either. Instead he focused on the fact that the world’s most closeted gay guy owned anal beads.

“You use these?”

“Sometimes, if I get the house to myself for a while. Be easier with help though.” Mickey hinted.

“Yeah except for the part where I’m supposed to go ‘real slow’ and still be at work in under twenty minutes.”

“Yeah alright.” Mickey gave in easily, letting Ian guide him to kneel on the couch. They were both still worked up from making out and Mickey was still stretched from the romp on the kitchen table earlier so Ian was able to slip in almost easily. Mickey bowed his head as Ian set up a steady pace, thumb smoothing over the bite mark he’d left on Mick’s shoulder the night before.

They’d barely started when sound of the front door slamming caught Ian’s attention and he turned around in time to see a bewildered Terry coming to the realisation of what he was seeing. He jumped away to grab at his boxers. No way was he going to die naked. But more than that he needed to get away from Mickey and keep Terry’s attention long enough for Mick to get out of the fucking house.

The first hit landed and Ian tried to remember his training, attempting to hit back. But by the third time Terry’s knuckles connected things became blurry and off-kilter. He heard Mickey yelling and then Terry was gone. Mick had pulled him away.

_No, just run._

Why the hell was Mickey still here? He needed to get away. Needed to be safe and instead he was on the other couch getting the life beaten out of him. There was a tire iron by the front door. It was always around that area the same way the baseball bat was always in the Gallagher hallway. Ian made a dash for it, trying not to think about what he was going to do with the weapon once he got his hands around it.

Except he didn’t get past the couch before Terry had pulled a gun on him. Telling him to stay put and Ian was being forced to step back to the couch, wary eyes trained on the idiot with the gun. He didn’t dare look at Mick, terrified that it would send Terry’s attention back to him but out of his peripheral vision Ian could tell Mickey was barely conscious. Terry started to turn back anyway, using his spare hand to dig something out of his pocket and no matter what it would be, Ian knew it would only make the whole situation worse.

“What the fuck do you care anyway?” Ian asked, desperate to keep Terry’s attention, “At least he was willing. You rape your daughter all the time and you’re going to get pissed off that your son wanted to have sex.”

“Shut the fuck up!” Terry screamed, attention back solely on Ian. The gun shaking, he was aiming it so hard.

“The fuck?” Mickey questioned, dazed eyes wavering between Ian and his father.

“Shut you fucking mouth.” Terry warned but Ian figured they were dead anyway and pressed on, determined to give Mickey a chance to run. Especially now that he was started to gain a little lucidity back.

“He got Mandy pregnant last year. Thought he could pin it on me but ... He gets off his face then pretends she’s your mother. Wouldn’t even pay for the fucking abortion.” Ian explained anger seeping into his voice despite trying to be gentle as he explained it.

“Mum was fat,” Mickey pointed out in a daze. Ian didn’t get it but it’s not like Mickey was entirely with it right now, “This is why Mandy never finishes her food? She’s trying not to be like Ma so you won’t fucking touch her? You sick fuck!” Mickey screamed, back on his feet and completely enraged, adrenaline pulling him back to his senses.

Terry was on the defensive now. Wavering the gun between the two of them on either side of the room. Face drained of colour and looking unsure.

“It’s a fucking lie!”

“Bullshit! I’ve seen the way Mandy looks at you. She hates going to bed when you’re drunk. Keeps trying to hang out with me ‘n Iggy. Fucking disappears for days on end after you go on a bender. I never wanted to believe it but it’s not the first time I thought it. And why the fuck would Ian lie about that?!”

Terry gaped, his hand wavering badly now. If Ian had any guts at all he’d snatch it out of his hand while Mick had him distracted but the chance of it going off in the scuffle was too dangerous. He refused to get Mick shot a third time. Even if he did succeed, it would just bring it back to a fist fight that Terry had more than enough chance to win. Terry’s silence sealed it for Mickey and the rage on his face scared the shit out of Ian. He was about to do something stupid.

“You fucking hypocrite! You run around screaming about protecting the neighbourhood and beating the shit out of creepers but you sit there doing everything you claim to fucking hate and you’re doing it to Mandy!” Ian got to his feet and moved closer to Mick, ready to push him out of the way or block him with his body when this got bad, “You disgusting fucking monster!” Mickey declared, fists forming at his sides.

Ian glanced over at the bastard expecting to be faced with rage. Instead Terry’s gun was half lowered, his face uncertain.

“Mick,” Ian pleaded, his hand on his arm, “Just get dressed and let’s leave.”

“What and leave him here to wait for my sister to come home? No fucking way!” Mickey yelled.

Ian was focused on Mickey as he spoke so he didn’t know to expect the gunshot, jumping at the sound and, even though it was too late, throwing himself over Mickey in a pointless attempt to protect him.

Mick gripped at Ian’s back, breath catching strangely. Ian clutched right back, trying not to think the worst but Terry was still at Ian’s back and he needed to know what he was dealing with. He tried to pull away and check Mick’s wounds but he was clutching tightly and unwilling to let go.

“Let me see, Mick. I have to see.” Ian begged, pulling back and looking him over. The only blood he could find was what had bloomed on his face from his father’s punches. Ian ran his hands over Mick’s un-punctured torso thrilled and confused. He took a mental check of himself and definitely couldn’t feel any bullet wounds either. He looked up at Mickey, confused, only to realise he was staring over Ian’s shoulder at Terry.

Ian turned, horrified by the amount of blood. It was sprayed all over the walls and the ceiling. Pooling on the floor around Terry Milkovich’s body.

“He…?”

“He ate his fucking gun.” Mick confirmed, voice shaking. His eyes still stuck of the mess of red before him.

“Stop looking Mick. You don’t need to see it.” Ian pointed out, physically turning Mickey around and holding him around the waist to keep them both facing the window. He swiped up Mickey’s phone from the coffee table and dialled 911.

Ian explained what had happened, claiming he’d slept on the couch after sneaking out of the group home and finding his girlfriend out for the night. They couldn’t walk out of the room without walking through the blood so Ian claimed he was dressed and ready for work, but Mick had just woken up and wandered out in his boxers. He told the police Terry was enraged before he walked in but seeing his daughter’s boyfriend having slept over sent him crazy. He hit Ian a few times then went crazy on Mickey for intervening. Ian also told them that he stopped making any sort of sense toward the end and neither of them had any clue why he had killed himself.

As soon as he hung up Ian pulled on yesterday’s clothes and tucked the ben-wa beads down the back of the couch. The half used condom got wrapped back into the foil package and shoved down the bottom of his backpack.

Ian spent the five minutes before the police arrived, going over their version of the story with Mickey and telling him not to answer any questions he wasn’t sure of. Mickey was fast dissolving into shock and he was pretty sure the police were going to understand if Mick didn’t speak a single word.

When the police arrived Ian called out for them to let themselves in, unwilling to walk through Terry’s splattered remains just to open a door. The police walked in, nodded at the mess and told them to stay where they were while they took photos and fussed around putting protective little booties over their shoes. It took them over half an hour for them to finish up and lay a roll of plastic sheeting across the floor for the guys to walk across. Ian slung his bag onto his back and took Mickey in hand, physically guiding him through like leading a zombie.

They stood outside on the front porch while Ian made a statement and Mickey made occasional wounded little noises. Mickey was sort of vaguely aware of what was going on, nodding along as Ian talked but he didn’t say anything himself. Not until Mandy turned up. Ian saw her come up the street and roll her eyes at the sight of cop cars. He also saw the moment she saw the coroner’s van and started running. Ian let go of Mickey’s arm to catch her in his grip as she tried to run into the house. She was crying and calling for Mickey. The sound of his name, pulling him out enough for him to wrap her up and hold her in a way that Ian hadn’t witnessed since they’d picked Mickey up from juvie the first time. Mandy took a moment before she realised her brother was with her and then looked around confused.

“It’s your dad, Mands.” Ian explained.

Mandy looked shocked and eyed them back and forth like she thought they’d done it. In some ways Ian wished they had gotten together to plot taking out the bastard.

“He ate his gun, Mandy.” Mickey explained. It was the first thing he’s said since it happened.  
Mandy pulled away completely and stared at them both. Ian could tell she didn’t believe it but the police stepped in and took her aside to talk to her with their grief counselor training.

“Don’t let her see.” Mickey requested as he moved to lean against Ian’s side. Ian figured comfort was allowed in this situation and wrapped an arm around his shoulders.

“I’ll look after her. I’ll look after both of you.” He promised quietly.

Eventually the police officer guided Mandy back and Ian lifted his other arm. Mandy folded herself into his chest and reached an arm out for her brother as well.

“Look, Fi’s the only one in my house at the moment. Lots of free beds if you guys want to go stay there a couple days until the house gets cleaned up,” Ian offered before looking over at the officer, “Do you guys sort that or is there someone we should call? Someone that can scrub a ceiling?”  
He got a business card and a warning that this sort of clean up was going to be expensive, no matter who they hired. Ian nodded and held Mandy’s head against his chest as the coroner came past with Terry in a still leaking body bag.

He tucked the card into his pocket and handed Mandy over to her brother, promising to be quick as he went inside and packed up a travel bag for each of them. There was a teddy bear on Mandy’s nightstand. It had been there for years and he’d never seen it move but it was never dusty either. Ian wasn’t sure if it would bring comfort or if it was something Terry gave her so he picked it up and went to the door. He called Mickey over and showed him a quick glance, asking where it came from.

“Ah, Joey I think. Might’ve been from Colin. Why?”

“Just making sure it wasn’t from your dad.” Ian explained before stuffing it in Mandy’s bag and handing over the one he’d packed for Mickey. Mickey’s bag had shoes, jeans and a shirt on top so he could get dressed without heading back into the house.

Ian gave Mandy her bag and dug out his house key. He handed it over to them. An officer was going to drive them the whole two blocks to the Gallagher house and make sure they were welcome. Ian had to head over to work before Linda decided to fire him. He hugged the both of them together and sent them off. Another officer offered to drive Ian and considering how late he was he could really use the credibility of a squad car to explain the morning’s events.

Linda came rushing out at the sight of Ian in a police cruiser and asked what happened. After being told, she closed the shop ‘for a family emergency’ and got a friend to pick up the kids. She packed up her car with cleaning supplies and loaded Ian in as well, deciding that today she was hiring him to clean the Milkovich house if he was up to it.

Sick though he felt at the idea of seeing all that blood again, he couldn’t help but agree that it was the best thing to do. When they arrived there the police were still around finishing up. They were happy to let them into the house even without them owning a key.

Linda was horrified by the sight of the living area but determined to get the job done. Ian was more interested in the officer’s discussion about trying to find the elder Milkovich brothers that were supposed to be with Terry before he turned up at home two days early.

“Are you saying you think something happened to their brothers as well?” Ian asked, horrified at having to break that news.

“We’re not sure yet, son, but if something bad happened it would explain his odd frame of mind. We’ll clean up the situation, you just work on cleaning up the house.” Ian’s shoulder was patted and then the officer wandered off to a more private spot to continue his conversation.

By the end of the day, he was desperate to drop by his house and check on them but he knew better. His clothes and skin were stained with blood and seeing him like this was only going to upset them further. Instead he headed back to Gunderson House. The guys who ran the place had been officially notified by the police that he’d snuck out the night before. He walked in expecting to get read the riot act and some kind of punishment but by the way all the other ‘boys’ stared wide eyed at his bloodied appearance, Ian figured he wasn’t going to get in too much trouble for the rest of his stay.

He was called into the office, gently reprimanded for sneaking out and then informed that he’d be required to attend counselling because of what he’d witnessed. Ian wondered if anyone would offer Mickey counselling for this but he kept his opinion to himself, deciding instead to just nod his head and tow the line. All he really wanted to do was get out of this stupid little office and into a hot shower. He needed to scrub Terry off his skin before he went insane. Ian said as much when the guy started in about ratting out who had helped him escape and Ian was finally excused.

~~~

Two days later Ian was in family court with his siblings trying to get signed over to Fiona’s care officially. They’d been running late and hadn’t had a real chance to talk beforehand but Ian had squeezed in a question about how Mandy and Mickey were doing and all Fi said was that the pair of them had spent almost all their time curled up together asleep.

It took almost two hours but in the end the Gallaghers ended up with a new guardian and the right to actually go home. They walked into the house and most of them hooted in victory. Ian had spent the last few hours with them and as good as it was to have them back it was the other side of his family he was interested in now. Ian hugged Carl and passed him over to Fi using everyone’s distraction to sneak up the stairs. He went to Lip’s room expecting that Mandy would have bunked down in there since it’s where she usually sleeps. There was no sign of either of them. He tried Deb’s room and nothing there either. Eventually he found the pair of them curled up in his own bed.

Ian snuck in and knelt down in front of them. Mandy wasn’t really asleep, she was just curled up around her brother and staring at his shoulder.

“Hey Ian.”

“How’re you going?” he asked gently, worried about waking her brother.

“They haven’t found the boys yet.” Mandy admitted quietly.

“They’re not late home yet though, right?”

“Been late since yesterday.” Mickey mumbled and lifted his eyelids.

“Hi Mick.”

“You back?”

“Yeah. Fi has guardianship.” Ian smiled softly.

“You want your bed back?”

“No. Keep it as long as you want.”

They all knew that the Milkovich house was clean and ready for them but no one was expecting them to rush back to it. Ian could share with Carl or Lip until they were ready to go home.

Mick nodded and sat up with his back against the wall. Mandy grumbled but sat up too.

“We can go.” Mickey offered and started to get up. Ian pushed him back down on his ass.

“Stay. If you leave I’m going home with you,” Tension seemed to slip away from both of them at that and Ian realised that their whole family was gone. All they had was each other at this point. Ian insisting on staying with them was the only offer of comfort they were likely to get. Ian sat down on the bed with them and reached out for Mandy’s hand, “Spaghetti for dinner sound good?”

“Let’s make her eat until she’s chubby.” Mickey decided and Ian flashed back to what Mickey said about Mandy not finishing her meals. She had gotten increasingly smaller over the years but Ian had always just figured it was a ‘living on the poverty line’ sort of thing. Iggy was always pretty scrawny too but if she was starving herself then that was definitely not okay.

“Yep,” Ian agreed with a smirk, “gonna make her eat until her boobs double in size.”

Mickey pulled a face at that thought “What kind of a boyfriend says shit like that.”

“Most boyfriends want their girlfriends to have bigger boobs.” Mandy pointed out with a shrug.

“Gay boyfriends don’t.” Mickey shot back.

Mandy froze up at that and looked between them with worried eyes. “You know?”

“We’ve worked together for over a year. I know what magazines he nicks from work and they ain’t playboys.” Mick smirked.

“Mickey Milkovich is talking about my porn!” Ian gasped in mock horror, “You know I keep it in that drawer.” Ian pointed out teasingly. Mick screwed up his nose and Mandy laughed.

“Lets see then. I wanna know how many pages are stuck together.”

“Gross Mandy!” Mickey complained, grabbing her hand back from where she’d started pulling open the drawer.

“Aw, Mickey, you should be nicer to my fake boyfriend.” Mandy teased.

“To be fair, he’s nicer than I expected any of your brothers to be. Never beat me up and he only complains about the guys coming in to flirt with me when it interrupts his drug deals.”

“Creepy grey haired dudes walking in and asking for gingersnaps. Fucking gross, man.”

“Gingersnap! Really? Must be Ned.” Mandy teased and Ian blushed, embarrassed at his obvious daddy issues and Mickey’s outright intolerance of the other men in his life.

“Ned’s done with.” Ian declared. Mandy’s eyebrows shot up but she nodded in acceptance.

“Thank fuck,” Mickey declared visibly relieved before noticing that his sister wasn’t expecting that reaction, “Dude sashayed his way into the Southside and basically pointed a big ass neon sign at Ian. Linda would fire me if I let her cashier get gay bashed at work. That dude is fucking dangerous.”

“You sure it’s not ‘cause his wife shot you in the ass?”

“Sure as fuck didn’t help my opinion of him.”

“Oh my god, you two have been leaving me out of the loop. What the fuck have you been up to.”

“Just the usual Southside shit.” Mickey shrugged and Ian tamped down his need to smirk.

“Look Liam, we get to share a room again!” Carl announced as he carried the toddler in and put him down on the floor by Ian’s bed.

“Welcome home my little guys.” Ian called and swooped down to bundle them both in a hug.

The giggling and tickle hugs lasted about two minutes before Carl calmed down and started eying off the Milkovichs.

“Why are they in your bed?”

“Their dad died the other day and they needed somewhere to stay until their brothers come home to look after them.” Ian explained gently.

“Mr Milkovich is dead?!” Carl cried out in shocked excitement, “How’d he get taken out? Drug deal gone wrong? Overzeelness cop?” Little eyes shone at the thought of violence and gore.

“I think you mean overzealous. And no, he got shot in his house but that’s all you need to know. It’s not nice to talk about this stuff. Especially in front of his family.” Ian pointed out. Carl looked up at them and something on Mandy’s face shut him up real quick.

“One of you can take my bed. I’m gonna share with Liam tonight.”

“Thanks Carl.” Mandy accepted quietly.

The room settled into awkward quiet and Liam looked around confused at them all. Ian decided to herd the boys downstairs to help with dinner. He let the other two know they were welcome to come along but it was fine if they wanted to avoid the chaos of the Gallagher family reunion. He got matching quiet smiles from them in response but no indication of what they intended to do.

The evening took a while to calm down. All the siblings eager to be back together and unwilling to separate into their bedrooms at the same time as being desperate to reunite with the own beds. Eventually though they all drifted off to their rooms and fell into the first decent sleeps they’d had since DFS took them away. Mick and Mandy had come down for dinner but they’d also slipped back upstairs fairly quickly afterward, not really sharing in the joyous mood of the rest of the house.

By the time Ian headed up to bed they were both fast asleep, curled together up on Carl’s bed. They’d taken Ian’s pillow with them and chucked Carl’s down on Ian’s bed. He knew it was probably just that they were used to that pillow by now but Ian still hoped it was because they found comfort in having something of his with them.

He tucked his little brothers into Liam’s big boy bed. Rolling up the unnecessary doona to put against the railing at the side of the bed since Carl wasn’t used to it and might just break a wrist with the way he flings his limbs around while he sleeps.

Ian settled into his own bed and tried not to be paranoid about catching lice from Carl’s pillow. The kid hadn’t slept on it in days, it’d be fine. It took him longer than usual but eventually he drifted off. He was woken up in the very early hours of the morning but yelling and the sounds of a fight. Mandy was calling out to Mickey, trying to calm him or wake him from his nightmare.

“Mands come down.” Ian instructed, helping her climb down as quick as he could before climbing up and kneeling over Mickey.

“Mick. Mickey it’s okay. It’s over.”

“Ian?” Mickey whined, reaching out blindly as he hyperventilated, “You need to get out. Just run Ian. Run!”

“I’m fine. It’s all okay Mick. Just a bad dream. He’s gone and you need to wake up.”

Mandy was watching closely from the middle of the room. Carl and Liam were lying in bed watching him too. If they weren’t here, Ian would’ve kissed Mickey to prove they were safe but like this, all he could do was sooth him with hands and words. Ian ran his fingers up and down Mickey’s side, “We’re safe. Mandy’s safe too. We’re at my house, Mick. You’re on Carl’s bed. You just need to remember where you are. You’re safe Mickey. Just wake up.” Ian pinched him hard on the side as he said it and Mickey’s eyes flew open. He gasped a couple of times and looked around.

“Hey.”

“Hey,” Ian said back, “You really freaked us out for a minute there. Nearly hit Mandy.” Ian says as he nods down at Mickey’s sister.

“Shit, Mands, ’m sorry.” His voice was hoarse with sleep and fear but he was okay now. Mandy shrugged off his concern and watched like she expected him to fall as both Ian and Mickey climbed down from the bunk. She pulled him into a hug the moment he had his feet on solid ground.

“What the fuck did he do to you?” she asked quietly. Mickey just kissed her hair and told her to go back to bed. Ian moved to settle the boys back to sleep, kissing them and straightening out their twisted sheet. Liam’s eyes fluttered shut easily with his hand twisted in Carl’s shirt. Carl lay there and started at Ian in a way that told Ian, he was totally aware that he’d been there when Terry died.

“It’s fine, Carl; we’re all okay. Just go back to sleep,” Carl still looked worried but he closed his eyes and let his head loll into the spongy comfort of Liam’s hair. Ian turned around to see Mandy climbing back onto the bunk. He wandered over and hung his arm around Mick’s shoulders, “Come on, man, I’ll make you something to drink.”

Mickey nodded, waved to his sister and walked out the door. Ian followed quietly, avoiding all the creaks on the stairs even as Mickey set each one off.

“I’m sorry.” Mickey declared as they reached the kitchen.

“’S fine Mick. You can’t live through something like that unscathed. Boy’s home made me see a counselor. This shit doesn’t go away if you don’t deal with it.”

“I know man, just don’t know how to is all.”

Ian nodded at that and set to zapping a cup of milk in the microwave.

“You wanna go sit on the couch?” He asked as he stopped the microwave just short of beeping and added some cold milk to even things out.

“Your dad’s on the couch.”

Ian turned around and noticed the lump on blankets on the couch. He’d forgotten that Frank had moved back in. He turned back to Mick and handed over the drink. Mickey took it and sipped at the warm milk as he moved in to push Ian back against the bench and lean heavily on him.

“You think I need a shrink?” he asked quietly.

Ian tucked Mick in, pulling his back flush against his chest and resting his jaw alongside Mickey’s temple.

“I think you need to talk to someone about what happened. The other day and all the shit that led up it. He’s been hurting you for a long time Mick. Mandy too. Probably your brothers. You need to work through that. Deal with what he did to you and to himself.”

Mickey hummed but didn’t really answer. They stood there, leaning together until Mick finished his milk. He stepped away and rinsed the cup before turning back to Ian.

“Your family’s okay with the gay thing, yeah?”

Ian nodded and wondered where this is going.

“So I can sleep with you?”

Ian nodded again and quietly followed him back upstairs. He let Mick get in the bed first, back against the wall and then climbed in too. Mickey curled up on his chest and settled in. Ian lay there, watching his dark hair and feeling him breathe. He ran his hand up and down Mick’s back, feeling him slowly relax into sleep. A small squeak sounded to Ian’s right and he looked up to see Mandy staring down at them.

“He’s okay.” Ian whispered. She nodded uncertainly and continued to stare.

“Just surprised he’s willing to curl up with a guy he knows is gay.” She pointed out.

Ian smiled sadly at her, “That’s not for me to explain.” He pointed out and Mandy’s eyebrows shot upwards.

“He’s…?”

“Goodnight Mandy.” Ian answered and though he hadn’t said anything, it was enough of a confirmation.

Neither of them said anything else but Mandy continued to stare as Ian tried to sleep. He did his best to ignore it but falling asleep wasn’t all that easy when you were being stared at. Eventually his patience broke and he stared back at Mandy with a scowl. She didn’t notice though. Her attention was entirely on her sleeping brother and Ian suddenly felt bad for scowling at her. Of course she’d be concerned. Ian wrapped his arms more securely around Mick, turned his head away from Mandy and finally let himself fall asleep.

Ian woke up to Mickey tapping his chest. He hummed in recognition and opened his eyes, worried that Mick had another bad dream. Instead he was staring at the space beyond the bed. Ian turned his head to see Fi, holding Liam and staring down at them. Carl was beside her with confusion on his face and Mandy was still up on Carl’s bed watching everything from on high.

“Mornin’” Ian offered and scratched his hair a little.

“Wanna explain?” Fi offered.

“Mick had a nightmare,” Ian explained, “I look after Liam and Carl when they have nightmares too.” Ian shrugged it off and let his hand fall back on the sheet covering Mick’s back.

“And what is ‘Mick’ to you, exactly?” Fi asked sarcastically. Ian felt him tense up at his side and ran his thumb back and forth against his hip where they couldn’t see.

“We don’t have a label but we’re something. Have been for a couple years now.”

“Bullshit.”

“Ask Frank.” Ian countered, not willing to have a big discussion.

“Frank knows!?” Fi sounded a little wounded now, upset that Frank would be spoken to about emotional stuff over her.

“Walked in on us once,” Mickey explained, with embarrassment in his voice, “‘s why I went to juvie the second time. Didn’t want to be around if he told my dad and Ian wouldn’t let me kill Frank.”

Mandy made a sad sound then. Ian remembered what Mandy went through when Mick was away that second time. That was when she’d needed the abortion.

“Does that mean you’re both gay?” Carl chimed in, curiosity more important to him than any sort of respect for people’s privacy.

“Yeah, kid, but it doesn’t mean it’s okay for you to go telling people. Gay kids get killed in this neighbourhood.” Mickey pointed out. Blunt to the point of shocking to make sure the message got though.

Carl’s eyes went wide but it wasn’t so much fear as it was respect, “That why your dad’s dead? Did he hurt you for being gay?”

“Yeah kid. Tried to hurt us both. But Ian knew dirt on him too. Threw it in the bastard’s face and when I heard, I lost my shit. Started yelling at him and he decided to eat a bullet.”

Mandy scrambled down from the bunk and threw herself at the pair of them on Ian’s bed, crying silently as she clutched at them both.

“’S okay Mands, he’s gone now. We’re good.” Mickey explained calmly into her hair. Ian held her quietly and let her brother do the soothing. He looked over Mandy’s shoulder at Fi who looked at a loss of how to react.

“Right, well, breakfast in ten.” Fi announced awkwardly and shooed Carl out of the room. She looked back at him from just beyond the door and Ian smiled at her. Things were going to be okay now. They were through all the tough shit. Still, something in Fi’s eyes made it obvious that she knew she was about to lose him to the Milkovich family, for a while at least.


	2. Chapter 2

Mandy and Mick only lasted one more night with the Gallagher clan back in the house before they dug up the nerve to head back to their childhood home. The moment Mick told Fi they were planning to leave that day, Ian started packing his duffel to join them. Fi looked a little heartbroken when she found out. Mick just looked relieved and oddly proud.

Carl had insisted on walking them over there. In some ways it seemed like a cute little brother thing to do. In other ways it worried Ian that he just wanted to see where someone had died. Mickey took Ian’s bag from him as soon as they got in the door and put it away with his own. Mandy immediately put her own away too slamming her door shut behind her. Both of them resolutely not looking toward the now ironically named living room.

Carl was spinning around trying to find traces of gore and clearly dying to ask questions that he knew wouldn’t get answers. Ian hovered nearby trying to be close enough to cover his mouth if he did dare to say something tactless. Mick looked like he was about to throw up at the sight of Ian standing in the living room. 

“Alright,” Ian decided with a clap of his hands, “Carl, can you help Mickey check out the kitchen? We need to make a list for groceries and throw out anything that spoiled this last week.”

“What are you going to do?” Carl griped, clearly disappointed that the expected gore had turned into a chore.

“I’m going to do a load of laundry and then we’re going to go get the groceries and drop you home on the way.” Ian explained calmly.

Carl griped and swung his arms in a way that said he wasn’t happy but he also did what he was told. Mick stood there at a loss, clearly not happy that Ian was going to the laundry in the basement.

“Just focus on Carl, okay. Kid needs constant supervision.” Ian instructed, kissing Mickey on the temple and heading off to empty the full hamper he knew was in the bathroom.

By the time he’d set up the first load, the guys in the kitchen they were working pretty well. Carl was running around looking through each cupboard and Mick was writing stuff down and asking if they had this or that. Mickey was actually pretty good with all his younger siblings. They bought out something softer in him that Ian usually only saw when they were alone together. Ian stood in the doorway and watched them together for a moment. Mickey looked up and caught him staring and Ian would have been embarrassed at the way he was smiling at the interaction if it weren’t for the way Mick blushed. 

“So, we got a list together?” Ian asked, stepping forward.

“The milk was on the bench. It’ was RIPE.” Carl declared and Ian remembered that he’d made Linda a cup of coffee when they’d been cleaning the place. 

“That was my fault then.”

“What for distracting me from making pancakes?” Mickey asked with a quirk to his eyebrow that had Carl’s eyes widening.

“More like for making Linda a cuppa and forgetting to put it back.” Ian hated the way Mick’s face shut off again. 

“Oh.”

“Yeah,” Ian moved forward a moment, hesitated but figured Carl could just deal with it and bent down to kiss Mickey’s hairline, “We ready for the store or what?” he asked, changing the subject as he stood back up and acted like nothing was wrong. Mick checked the list in his hand and nodded, turning it so Carl could read it to double check.

“You need to add pop tarts or something. You got no adults here, you should spoil yourselves.” Carl pointed out. Mickey nodded at that and took the paper back. In large clear letters he wrote ‘Lube. Condoms.” And smirked at the look on Carl’s face. 

“We don’t need lube yet. We just opened a fresh bottle.” Ian pointed out, crossing it off the list. Carl made disgusted sound.

“No such thing as too much lube.” Mickey pointed out and wrote it back on the list.

Ian chuckled and went to Mandy’s door to knock and let her know they were heading out. He didn’t get a response to asking if she wanted to stay or come to the store with them. He hesitated a moment and looked back toward the kitchen but he didn’t want to worry Mick if she just had her headphones on. 

“Mandy? Mands, can I come in? Are you okay?” There was a little thump but no real response.

Mick came up behind him, having heard Ian calling out to her. 

“She okay?”

“Probably just listening to music,” Ian decided and eased the door open to check on her. She was sitting on the floor beside her bed, crying silently and staring back at him, “Oh Mands!” 

Ian hurried in and dropped down on his knees in front of her. She crawled into his lap and sobbed. Mick was there a second later rubbing her back and saying something in a language that Ian didn’t quite recognise beyond it being Slavic.

Mandy fell sideways onto her brother, pinning both Ian and Mick with an awkward balance of her weight. She mumbled into her brother’s ear and he nodded as she talked. Ian couldn’t quite figure out what was going on but he didn’t try to follow it. He just let her have her brother and kept her weight balanced and safe. Eventually she calmed enough to doze on Mickey’s shoulder and Mick plucked her off the ground, carrying her out of the room. Ian followed along and when he realised the plan, turned down Mick’s bed for him to tuck her into. She cuddled the pillow and drifted off completely.

“Her room doesn’t feel safe.” Mick explained quietly as they closed the door. 

“We switching for the night then?” Ian asked and Mick nodded. 

“More sense for us to be in the double anyway. Two guys in a single bed is sort of ridiculous.”

Ian nodded and tried not to think about how that was going to change their dynamic. Were they going to get a side each? Was there not going to be anymore cuddling? Or was it just so other people didn’t know there was cuddling? Ian looked back at the door to Mick’s room and stopped worrying, there were much bigger issues at hand than sleeping arrangements. Mandy was finally realising just how unsafe her life had been and the trauma was setting in.

“Should one of us stay here?” Ian wondered. Not sure how much safer she’d feel knowing someone was moving around the house. 

“You stay with her. I’ll take the kid home and get the food. Don’t really wanna sit around here right now.” Mickey decided and Ian nodded.

Ian watched his boyfriend and brother walk out and settled down on the couch. He didn’t want to be alone here either but better him than Mick. He picked up the remote and considered turning on the tv when the door burst open and in stomped the four elder Milkovich brothers.

“Where the hell have you guys been?” Ian asked in an angry whisper. He wasn’t sure if he was pissed off or relieved to see them here.

“The fuck do you care?” asked one of the eldest ones who Ian hadn’t actually met. It was either Tony or Joey.

“Shit happened this week. Mickey and Mandy needed you guys. The police have been trying to find you to figure out guardianship. Don’t any of you know how to answer a phone?”

“Guardianship?”

“Yeah. Guys, your dad died. Mick and Mandy are minors; one of you has to sign up to look after them.”

“Dad’s dead?” Iggy asked voice quiet and almost scared.

“Yeah, man, I’m sorry. Happened Tuesday morning.”

“Bullshit, where’s the body?” Colin asked trying to act tough but clearly clutching at the back of his big brother’s shirt.

“At the morgue. Police will happily take you to view him. They’ve been keeping him on ice until one of you can organise the funeral. Apparently if there are members of the family that are of age they have to do that shit. Mickey tried and they told him he doesn’t qualify.”

“Where the fuck is Mickey?”

“At the store. He and Mandy have been staying at my place this week. Came home a couple of hours ago. Mandy had a bit of a break down so she’s sleeping it off in Mick’s bed.”

“Mick’s?”

“Bad memories of her own.” Ian explained and figured now was as good a time as any to tell the guys what had actually been going on around here. It took a while but he very gently explained about what Mandy had been through and how, when Ian told Mick, Mickey had lost his shit at their dad and yelled until the bastard ate a bullet. The guys tried to stop him several times but he knew it was more important to get the whole story out than to get distracted answering questions and drawing this process out.

When he was done explaining Iggy quietly got up and walked into Mickey’s room. For a second Ian was worried he was going to take his denial out on Mandy but instead the sound of quiet sobbing seeped out of the door. Ian left him be and turned back to the eldest three.

One of the two he didn’t know finally steadied himself to talk and nodded to himself before announcing that despite not being the eldest, he didn’t have anyone at home waiting for him. He’d be willing to move home and be guardian to ‘the kids’.

That meant that this guy with Mickey’s dark hair and Colin’s curls was Joey, second eldest Milkovich and guy who, when Ian was in second grade, went to juvie for beating the shit out of a Math teacher that failed him. Leaving the guy with the scraggly dirty blond hair just like Iggy’s as Tony, who must have some sort of family of his own out in the world.

Ian took a deep breath and spoke up one more time, while the guys were here and willing to listen. It might not be the smartest thing to do and it wasn’t entirely his place, but he knew that if this was ever going to be said, he’d have to be the one to say it.

“There is one more thing guys. If you’re not cool with it, I’ll deal, but if you take it out on Mickey I swear to god I will kill you all.” Ian paused for a moment to let that sink in before continuing but Colin interrupted with a bored look on his face.

“This about you and Mickey being a thing? ‘Cause I already know about that.”

“The fuck!?” Tony asked loudly.

“Mickey’s sleeping with Mandy’s fake boyfriend.” Colin explained and gestured at Ian.

Ian was tense as hell, bracing himself for another Terry-style reaction but instead everyone just stared at him.

“Mickey actually got himself a dude?” Joey asked with a bit of wonder in his voice, “I thought mum taught him not to go near boys he liked.”

“You guys knew?” Ian asked, baffled.

“Well yeah. Mickey was a sweet kid. Always used to tell us he was waiting for Prince Charming to rescue him. Had to convince dad it was just ‘cause he was growing up with a sister who got exposed all that princess shit that the rest of us never bothered with but we all knew he liked guys. Ma taught him not to talk about it. Taught him to be scared of what it might do to him. Never thought he’d actually go through with dating a guy.” Tony explained.

Ian started to get it then, these guys were to Mickey what he was to Liam. They’d watched him grow up and done their best to keep him safe from his father. This was his real family; he was safe with them. Ian didn’t know what to say but he wanted them to know just how much he appreciated what they were to Mick. But just at that moment Mickey walked through the door, both arms full of groceries. He didn’t see his brothers for the paper bags in his way so he just grunted out a greeting and went to drop them off in the kitchen.

“Mickey? Your brothers are home.” Ian pointed out as the bags landed on the bench top. Mickey whirled around so fast it was almost instant.

“Did..?”

“He explained,” Tony pointed out, “All of it.”

Mickey’s body sagged forward a little and he caught himself on the bench. He didn’t have to be the big brother anymore.

“I’m going to move back in. Look after you guys.” Joey announced and Mickey smiled sadly.

“Sorry, man.”

“Don’t be. I hate living on my own. Only stayed ‘cause it was better than moving back in with the old bastard. He’s gone now an’ I’m happy to come home. So long as you and your boyfriend don’t get too noisy. Don’t fuck with my sleep, kid.”

Mickey looked so lost the moment Joey called Ian his boyfriend. What little colour he had in his face drained out and his eyes became super alert, looking for the safest exit.

“They know, Mick. They’ve always known. They helped you hide it when you were little to keep you safe,” Ian explained as he got up and crept toward his boyfriend, “It’s fine. They love you.”

Mick stepped back as Ian approached so he hung back, deliberately leaning against the table to show he wouldn’t try again. Colin went up to him then. No hesitation but Mickey didn’t step back from him. Ian watched and tensed as Mickey visibly braced himself for a hit. Instead Colin wrapped him up in a hug and noogied his head.

“You know if you want to keep that stuff a secret you could have done your own laundry. I’ve been finding orange pubes in your boxers for years, Mickey.”

“Years? That mean this is serious?” Tony asked indicating between Mickey and Ian, “or do you just got a thing for gingers?”

“He’s definitely got a thing for redheads. Remember when he got kicked outta peewee baseball for trying to impress the ‘orange boy’. Talked about that damned orange boy for months ‘til dad backhanded him across the dinner table.” Joey pointed out with a fond smile.

Mickey blushed horribly, obviously having forgotten that memory. Ian did his best not to smile too wide at the fact that he was the only redhead on their peewee baseball team but his ego won out.

“You pissed on first base to impress me?” he asked, unable to stop the grin.

“Shut up.”

“God, Mick, you couldda just talked to me.” He laughed at him and the brothers all realised just how badly they’d embarrassed their brother.

“This was your orange boy?”

“All of you just shut the fuck up!” Mickey demanded and started throwing the groceries in cupboards to get out of the situation.

“Shit, Mickey. Way to live the dream. Wonder if I could get Sally Holloway. You guys remember Sally Holloway from my third grade Christmas thing?” Colin wondered, slapping Tony on the arm. Tony rolled his eyes at the mention of Sally’s name. Ian figured it was better not to ask and just went over to help put away the groceries.

“Suppose we need more food now that everyone’s home.” Ian pointed out, blatantly changing the subject.

“I’ll head back to the store,” Mickey volunteered, obviously trying to escape, “Iggs got the car keys?” he asked.

“Don’t run away Mickey. We gotta talk about shit.”

“Don’t wanna talk about shit. Don’t wanna be in the living room either. I’ll get the damn food.” Mickey explained and slipped into his room to grab the keys from Iggy.

“He okay?” Tony asked quietly and Ian shook his head. 

“He was staring straight at Terry when he did it. Couldn’t take his eyes off the gore. Went into shock and couldn’t even give a police statement. Now he’s having night terrors. He’s not going to be in here without remembering all the blood for a long damn time,” Ian explained, gesturing to the walls and ceiling as he explained the blood part, “It was pretty fucking traumatic.”

Colin looked like he was going to throw up. The other two just looked concerned. They all eyed Mickey’s door, waiting for him to come back out but he didn’t. They waited until Ian started to feel stupid and he got back to unloading the groceries, wondering if Mickey was looking after Iggy or the other way around. Either way they weren’t going to appreciate being stared at when they finally walked out. He grabbed a bag of pretzels and threw them at Colin, telling the boys to sit down and stop making such an awkward atmosphere.

Eventually, Joey went in to check on them and Ian went down to the basement to start the next load of laundry. He came back up to find Mickey and Iggy just outside Mick’s bedroom door getting squished together by their brothers in some sort of weird group hug thing that no body looked comfortable with. At least no one was openly telling them to stop either. It was almost like progress. Ian put down the basket of clothes and started folding. Colin scuffled Iggy’s hair and broke away to help.

“I usually do the laundry with Mands.” He explained and started sorting stuff out into piles. They worked well for a couple of minutes until Mickey cleared his throat and jingled a set of car keys. Ian looked up at him and waited for an explanation.

“You comin’ or what?”

“Shopping?”

“Well, I’m sure as fuck not leaving you here so they can tell you more embarrassing shit.”

Ian patted Colin on the back and headed over, “But Mick, I like hearing how much you like me.”

“Shut up.” He griped and pushed him out the door.

“You know I like you too, right.”

“Do now. Now get in the fucking car.”

Ian laughed and slid in to the passenger seat with a silly smile permanently set on his face.

~~~

That night they awkwardly left the others to head off to bed. Mick seemed especially uncomfortable with them all knowing that he wasn’t sleeping alone, made even more awkward by the fact that he was sleeping in his sister’s bedroom. Ian followed Mick into the room and closed the door behind himself. He knew nothing was going to go down tonight but Mick still seemed pretty nervous. Ian stood just inside the door and watched Mickey shuffle from foot to foot and eye off the bed.

“What side you want?” Mickey asked and eyed off the sheets like they were going to bite him. 

Suddenly Ian understood. Mick needed the wall at his back to sleep. They were trained that way in ROTC too. Keep a wall at your back and the doorway in sight for tactical safety. Mickey wasn’t going to feel safe sleeping in a bed that was in the middle of the room.

“You wanna move it against a wall?” Ian asked, trying to judge the weight of the bedframe.

“No.” Mickey answered but his voice was uncertain.

“Kay. Want me to sleep behind you?”

“Why?”

“You’ll sleep better if I have your back right? ‘S why you usually have the wall?” Mickey looked weirded out that Ian understood the reasoning but he accepted it easily enough with a shrug.

“So which side you want?”

“You face the door. I’ll sleep on the far side.” Ian instructed and passed Mick to climb in on the far side of the bed. 

“Kay.” Mickey agreed like he thought this was all pointless but his body language showed that he’d calmed down considerably as he got under the covers and curled onto his side.

Ian climbed in and shuffled forward across the giant bed until he finally reached Mickey. Did he just lay here behind him? Should they spoon? How did this work exactly?

“You gonna grab me or what?” Mick asked over his shoulder and Ian moved forward the last few inches to press up against Mickey’s back, throwing an arm over his waist like this was a normal thing, “You planning on waking me up with a boner in my spine?”

“Maybe. Not used to spending the whole night with your ass so handy.” Ian pointed out holding Mick’s stomach firmly to keep him in place as he playfully ground up against him.

Mickey laughed and that quiet smile of his turned up as he turned his head toward Ian. He didn’t go for a kiss though. Instead his eyes slid closed and he settled like he was already drifting off to sleep. Ian envied how quickly Mickey slept. It always took him hours to clear his mind before sleep eventually took over but here Mick was, half way there in seconds.

Ian lay there and watched as Mick’s body relaxed back against him and his face softened completely. He leant forward and kissed his cheek gently, prepared to spend the next hour or so watching that face while he waited for his brain to shut down. 

The same routine followed each night, Mandy much more comfortable in Mickey’s room and unwilling to return to her own. Ian and Mickey happy to accommodate her even though they’d done nothing more than sleep in their new bed. The bed’s history was enough to put them off anything more than a goodnight kiss. They kept their more explicit activities for the back room at work. After all, why mess with tradition?

They skipped on the idea of a funeral and just let the state cremate Terry. Joey dropped the ashes off in a dumpster on the way home from picking him up. The house was mostly paid off and had been left to Mandy with some sexist shit about girls being more ‘homely creatures’. She’d signed it over to Joey without a second thought. There was nothing else much to leave to anyone. Nothing that could be stated in a legal document anyway. Instead they just got on with life. When they’d saved up enough they planned on buying a new bed for Mandy but she’d decided she’d rather just switch rooms permanently. Mickey’s room didn’t have a lock and anyone could walk in at any time which, in her case, made her feel safer. Mickey and Ian flipped the mattress in their new room and decided they were going to have to move past what had happened. Fi bought them a new set of sheets too, which really helped. It took them two nights before the finally christened them but once they discovered sex on a bed large enough to accommodate them both, they were hooked.

Ian also insisted on Mickey going to see a counsellor and found a cheap one down at the clinic. If voluntary therapy could ever be considered cheap. It meant that Ian wouldn’t be able to afford signing up for ROTC right at the start of the year but he still signed Mick up for a five session course. Mickey had bitched about it unendingly but he’d still gone and spent the entire hour in the office while Ian waited outside. He’d come back out with bloodshot eyes and had much worse nightmares that night but he did seem better off. He’d insisted on taking Mandy with him for the second session a week later.

It was a week before school started back up and Ian was on the play station with Mandy while Joey and Colin were making dinner. Mickey was helping Iggy with a job application when Ian’s phone rang. Ian grunted at it a nodded toward the damned thing on the coffee table, unwilling to lose his concentration on the game. Mickey grunted back and answered the phone.

“Jesus Christ, can’t you shut that kid up… No yeah… So- geez that kid’s got lungs! … Okay fine, I’ll tell him,” Mick hung up and tossed the phone back on the table like it had offended him, “You need to go visit your little brother. He’s been screaming your name for over an hour now.” Mickey told him and Ian finally gave up on the game.

“Which one?”

“Liam.” Mickey looked scandalised that Ian though Carl would be capable of that.

“Shit, yeah. Okay.” Ian passed his controller over to Mickey and got up to go visit his family.

“Just bring the kid back here, yeah. Otherwise you’ll miss out on dinner.” Mickey instructed and Ian smirked at how domestic it was that Mickey was worried about Ian’s dinner.

Ian hurried the two blocks back to the Gallagher house and let himself in. It wasn’t like he hadn’t been home over the summer. He was still here at least every other day but it definitely wasn’t his home base anymore. 

Liam was running up and down the lounge room screaming “Eean” (his version of Ian) repeatedly. Fiona was standing in the doorway to the kitchen looking like she’d already tried to pull her hair out a few times and Frank was on the couch looking severely hung over.

Ian called out to Liam and got knee tackled as soon as the kid realised he was there. Liam had worked himself up enough that he ended up crying on Ian’s shoulder, but at least he did it quietly. 

“Bet you wore your throat out, hey kiddo? You want a drink of water?” Ian asked and got a nod against his neck in reply. Fiona handed over his sippy cup and hugged Ian’s other side.

“I don’t know what got into him. He’s never been this much of a handful before.” Fi explained like she thought this was somehow her fault.

“It’s fine Fi, just adjustments to the new system. Why don’t I take him back to mine for dinner and you can have a bit of rest?”

“Yours? This really isn’t your home anymore, is it?” Fi asked and the tears were close to flowing over, obviously extra emotional after her stressful day.

“Oh, hey, no. I didn’t mean it like that. This is home Fi. I just have a second one now too. And you gotta admit you could do with a bit more space around here but this will always be home Fi.”

“Lip’s going off to college and you’re moving out and soon I’m going to be the only one left here with Frank.”

“No Fi. Once Debs and Carl are grown, maybe you’ll move to a smaller place for you and Liam and JimmySteve or maybe you’ll fill this house with your own kids. But we will never leave you. Home is not this house, Fi; my childhood home is you. That will never change.” 

Fiona burst into tears at that and Ian held her and Liam both, waiting for all the tears to subside and trying to push down the lump in his own throat. Fi pulled herself together quickly though and pulled away.

“Geez, that’s enough of that. Off you go,” she instructed pushing Ian toward the door. She patted Liam’s cheek and got his attention, “You wanna go have dinner with Ian and Mickey?”

“And Joey and Colin and Iggy and Mandy?” Ian added.

“Shit their house sounds like it’s more in need of space than this one.” Fi pointed out and hooked Liam’s diaper bag onto Ian’s free shoulder as she walked them out. 

Ian took him back to the Milkovich house and dumped the bag by the couch. Everyone was already at the table so Ian sat down with Liam on his lap and accepted the plate from Joey. Mickey picked up a bowl with a smaller portion in it and plonked it down on the table in front of Liam. Ian had to prod him to say thank you but Mickey just nodded and shovelled another bite into his mouth. 

Milkovich family dinners were not the noisy talkative affairs that Ian was used to. The other meals in the day, sure but not dinners. Though Ian had to admit there was a certain comradery in the way they chose to come together in the same space each day.

“Why ‘sit quiet?” Liam asked and Ian smiled down at him as he worked on his mouthful before answering.

“”Cause we’re stoic.” Colin explained in Ian’s stead. Liam looked more confused by the answer than he had before asking the question.

“Jesus man, don’t confuse the kid,” Mickey griped and put a finger under his chin to turn Liam to face him, “We’re quiet because our dad didn’t think men should talk at the dinner table but our dad was an idiot so you can talk if you want to.”

“Kay.” Liam accepted and then proceeded to tell everyone around the table about Fiona being mad at the refrigerator for being lazy and something about a dinosaur on the television. Ian nodded along and asked questions at the right spots but he also noticed that everyone else was following the story too. Liam had never had so many people listen to him at once and he seemed to be liking the attention if the way the story grew into the fantastical was any indication.

Once dinner was over Ian told Liam it was time to go home and suddenly there was the biggest tantrum Ian had ever seen one of his siblings throw. It was fucking embarrassing and Ian felt like a jerk for ignoring his brother to the point where he thought he had to do stuff like this to get his attention.

“Alright! Alright Kid!” Mickey got down on the floor and looked the screaming toddler in the eyes, “I’m sorry I stole your brother but we can share him okay?”

Liam’s little head tilted as he realised he was allowed to blame Mickey for Ian’s disappearance lately. Ian did his best not to shake his head at the mistake Mickey had just made.

“I sleep over.” Liam decided and walked over to the couch to pull himself up and settle in to watch whatever was on the tv.

“You just handed him all the power.” Ian whispered to Mickey as they watched the kid settle in.

“How?”

“You told him it was your fault he was upset. Now he gets to blame you. He’s gonna wrap you around his finger.”

“Fuck that. Just take the kid home. He doesn’t get to just decide where he sleeps. He’s a baby.”

“He’s two and a half and he knows how to scam what he wants. He’s a Gallagher.” Ian explained. He pulled out his phone to call Fiona and moved a little closer to Liam to make sure he overheard the conversation as he sadly explained that Liam didn’t want to come home and had forsaken his big sister who was abandoned and lonely without her brothers there to keep her company.

It was starting to work too. Until Liam caught the amused smirk on Mickey’s face and he dug his heels in. Ian sighed and wandered into the other room to let Fiona know that they’d lost for tonight. She sounded a little upset but at the same time she understood and made him promise to drop Liam home first thing in the morning.

Ian wandered back into the room and sidled up to Mickey’s side to whisper in his ear, “Next time I’m trying to get him to do something, either keep a blank face or leave the room. That kid is sharing our bed tonight.”

“Bullshit! Just set him up on the couch. Hell, just take him home.”

“Sure. You tell him.” Ian instructed and wandered off to draw and shallow bath to get Liam cleaned up.

Not five minutes later Liam came running into the bathroom stark naked and Mickey followed in defeated.

“Moment he realised what you were doing he pulled off his clothes and acted like he couldn’t hear me. Kid’s a sociopath.”

“No, just a toddler that misses one of his pseudo parents. You’re the one who told him you stole me.”

Mickey gave in after that. Quietly watching from the sidelines as Ian bathed his brother and settled in on the couch with Liam half asleep on his chest. Most evenings he and Mick hung out on the couch with whichever Milkoviches were home, watching tv or playing video games. And most nights, by the time they’d been there for an hour or so, Mickey had sidled close enough to press his shoulder up against Ian’s. It was the closest he’d come to being affectionate with Ian in front of his family. Tonight though, he kept a distinct three inches between them. It was pissing Ian off. Iggy’s amused smirk from the armchair didn’t help.

“For fucks sake, Mick! Would you just get over here?” Ian burst out after about an hour and a half of tense, grumpy Mickey.

“Nah. Just look after the kid.” Mickey instructed, shifting uncomfortably and side eyeing his brothers.

“Fuck that. I can be a brother and a boyfriend at the same time, you know.” Ian pointed out and shifted Liam’s sleeping form so he could hold him one armed and dropped his other arm around Mickey’s shoulders, forcefully pulling them together.

“Fuck off!” Mickey bitched but kept his voice low enough to not bother Liam’s sleep.

“Nope.” Ian knew when to be stubborn and this was definitely the moment. Mick kept up a couple more seconds of acting uncomfortable before he sunk down and settled in with his head on Ian’s shoulder. Ian kissed his hair and settled in happily. The tension had seeped out of Mick at the kiss and Ian wondered if he’d been jealous of his affection for Liam. 

They watched tv happily until some vampire drama came on and Mickey made his usual grumblings about stupid girly shows and made a move to get up for bed. Ian shuffled a completely conked out kid around until he could get up without waking him and took Liam into the bedroom while Mickey brushed his teeth and whatnot. Ian tucked him in then went to deal with his own toothbrush, rubbing shoulders with Mickey as he did.

“’ere’s the ‘id?” Mickey slurred around his frothing mouth.

“In bed.” Ian explained before starting to brush. Mickey rinsed his mouth and threw his toothbrush back in the holder.

“He gunna be okay in there by himself?”

Ian nodded and kept brushing. It was adorable that Mick though the kid was going to disappear into a world of danger while sleeping alone for three minutes. Mickey moved over to piss then shouldered Ian away from the sink so he could wash his hands looking slightly annoyed at Ian for some reason.

“You angry at me for something’?”

“No.”

“Mick?”

Mickey looked uncomfortable and a little bit unsure of himself. “Just hurry the fuck up and come to bed.” He instructed and stalked out of the room. Ian heard him say goodnight to Mandy on the way past with a much gentler tone of voice.

Ian finished up quickly and headed back to the room. Mandy winked at him when he walked by so he figured he hadn’t fucked up too badly. He got to the room to find Mickey sitting on the edge of the bed eyeing Liam’s sleeping form. 

“How does this work?” Mickey asked as Ian stepped forward.

“What d’you mean?”

“How do we know we won’t roll over and crush him in our sleep? Where does he fit? How does this work? I am the baby brother, Ian. I don’t know how to do this.”

Ian moved in to kiss Mickey’s temple, partly to kiss his surprisingly sweet boyfriend and partly to hide his smile.

“I’ll sleep on my back, you guys can have a shoulder each. You can’t crush him because he will always climb on top of you. This kid is a monkey when he’s sleeping. You still wanna face the door?”

Mick nodded about facing the door which meant they’d have to switch sides for the night since Ian was going to be in front for once. Ian climbed in on Mickey’s side and hauled Liam up onto his chest. Liam grumbled a moment until he managed to bury his face in his brother’s neck, returning to his loose limbed sleep. Mickey climbed in and scrabbled across the bed to Ian. He was pretty damned awkward about it but he settled in on Ian’s shoulder and Ian rubbed his back, trying to insinuate a solid presence at his back. Mick mumbled something into Ian’s shirt but he couldn’t make it out.

“What was that?”

“Said I was going to blow you tonight but now there’s a kid in the way.” He grumbled, hand rubbing gently at Ian’s thigh.

“He won’t notice; he’s asleep,” Ian joked and Mickey pinched his thigh, “Alright. I’m sorry. You can blow me as much as you want after I take him home. Spend all tomorrow afternoon in bed.” 

“Can’t. Have work.”

“So do I. Work still works,” Ian pointed out. Mickey made grumbling noise and buried his nose in the crook of Ian’s armpit, “This is just one night. You can have me all the other nights.”

“ALL the other nights? No more Ned or creepy old nightclub guys?”

“No one else,” Ian agreed, smiling at the hopeful tone in Mickey’s voice. “Anyone else for you?”

“No one else,” Mickey confirmed and smiled into Ian’s chest, “Does this mean we should go to the clinic to get checked so we can stop wasting money on rubbers?”  
Ian burst out with a bubble of laughter as the romance of the exclusivity conversation died instantly. He agreed to the clinic trip though. Mickey settled in then, far more content than he had been all night and fell into sleep easily. Ian lay there and watched his boys as he let his mind drift.

It was several hours later when Ian woke up to the sound of Mickey swearing quietly. Ian assumed it was another nightmare and tried not to make any sudden movements, turning slowly to look at Mick more easily. Liam had migrated through the night and was now mostly sleeping on Mickey’s chest with just his legs still on Ian. Mick was awake and staring down at the sleeping boy and by the sound of it, about to fall into a panic attack.

“Mick?”

“Ian! Get him away from me. I can’t be near kids; you gotta take him back.” Mickey was about to dissolve into full blown panic, something Ian was still learning to recognise on sight.

“Why Mickey? Tell me what’s wrong?” Ian placed a hand on Liam’s back but he didn’t make a move to lift him away just yet.

“I don’t want to hurt him Ian. You gotta take him away.”

“Why would you hurt him?”

“Shit Ian, that’s just what abused kids do. We grow up and hurt other kids. Don’t let me hurt your kid.”

 _Holy shit._ Ian took a moment to get his head around Mickey’s thinking and then figured out how to calm him down.

“You know what I think? I think abused kids that never got any help need to believe that the people that hurt them did care about them so when they grow up they end up hurting people they care about in some twisted attempt to prove to themselves that their abusers weren’t all bad. But Mickey, you’re getting help. You’re seeing a counsellor and talking about what happened. You’re going to find a way to come to terms with what happened and deal with it without needing some fucked up logic to be able to cope. You aren’t going to hurt anyone.”

Mickey relaxed a little and leaned more heavily against Ian’s side while he stared at Liam’s face in the dark.

“What if I do though?” he whispered quietly.

“Mick, if you ever feel like you can’t keep your fists to yourself then you come find me and I’ll hold them safe until the feeling passes. Okay? If you can’t trust yourself, then trust me.”

“Thanks man.”

“You’re a better man than you think you are, Mick. Trust me, I’ve been watching for years.”

Mickey turned his face and leaned it into Ian’s hair, “Trust you with my life.”

Ian nuzzled his boyfriend and turned to hug him and Liam both, ready to slip back to sleep with them safe in his arms.

“‘m sorry I can’t give you kids.”

Ian froze a moment and absorbed that. He’d seen all the hints that Mick was in this for the long haul but it was still weird to think that a guy that held back so much for so long could really be this serious. Ian wanted to have a long conversation about this. He wanted to know exactly where Mickey stood and what he meant. He wanted to discuss every single adoption and surrogate option there was. But they were teenagers and Mick needed time to deal with things. He couldn’t dive in like that. It was big enough for Mickey to have even said this much.

“We’ll figure it out.” Ian assured him and tried not to keep talking.

“You’d be a great dad.” Mickey whispered with a sad wistfulness to his voice. Ian hated that he sounded like he’d already given up.

“You will be too, Mick.”

Mickey nuzzled closer to Ian, “Thank you.”


End file.
